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I have no friends. Well, that’s only partly true. I have no friends near me that I can actually talk to on a regular basis.
Motherhood can be very lonely (especially if your job allows you to work from home). I’ve never really fit in with any group of women.
It’s not that I haven’t tried, but every time I’ve put myself out there, I’ve been left out of certain events and activities, ostracized as if there’s something wrong with me.
I’m also extremely picky about who I choose to spend my time with, and that narrows the pool of potential friends down to just a few. Keep in mind You’re not for everyone, and everyone is not for you.
I actually first read that in Rebecca Campbell’s book Light is the New Black. It’s so true, y’all. You don’t need all the friends in the world. One or two people who get you will make all the difference in your quality of life.
We Need Friends
We all need friends. Don’t get me wrong. Having quality relationships with your spouse, kids, and extended family is important. But we all need peers we can talk to, girlfriends we can laugh with and enjoy hobbies with.
Besides the obvious issues that arise from having no friends, such as loneliness and depression, there are a few other things to consider.
When you are lonely, you turn to unhealthy vices, such as drinking, compulsive spending, and lashing out at the people you love the most.
1. Mean Girls Suck
Can we just state the obvious? Mean girls don’t just exist in middle schools and high schools. They’re in your neighborhood. They smirk at you in the grocery store when you say hello but don’t say a word.
They split off into separate social groups and leave out others, and they just suck at life.
If you’re being left out of the “mean girl” clique, please take this as a blessing and know that it’s not you…it’s them.
2. I Choose Friends Carefully
As I said before, I’m picky when choosing friends. When I was a kid, I just wanted to be accepted by everyone. I tried to appeal to the popular crowd and the nerds and the kids like myself who really didn’t fit in anywhere.
So I became an acquaintance to everyone and had a couple of really close friendships that I treasured. My best friend in high school is still a very good friend, and I would do anything for her. But now that I live hundreds of miles away, it just isn’t quite the same.
I may be too picky when it comes to choosing friends, but I’d rather be cautious and let my kinda people in than be faux friends with many.
3. I Hate Where I Live
I’ve lived in five different states, and I can say without a doubt, Illinois is the absolute worst place to live in the Country.
From corrupt politicians to high taxes to winter weather, I give the State of Illinois a 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. The 2 is generously given on account of the pretty fall foliage we get for exactly one week before it ices over and becomes a wintery, slushy mess.
As a Christian conservative, I stick out like a sore thumb here. That doesn’t mean there aren’t other Christian conservative women who live in the area, but I feel like I don’t quite fit in with them either.
[ss_click_to_tweet tweet=”You know that feeling when you’re not quite good enough for the church moms’ group, but you’re not wild enough for the crowd that likes to party in their 30’s? Yeah, that’s me.” content=”You know that feeling when you’re not quite good enough for the church moms’ group, but you’re not wild enough for the crowd that likes to party in their 30’s? Yeah, that’s me.” style=”4″]
4. I Don’t Want to Keep Up with the Joneses
The Joneses are broke (or so Dave Ramsey says). We have been in a cycle of trying to pay off our debt for years. Hanging out with people who don’t exercise good money habits can put you in a place to continue the cycle.
I saw a Ted Talk this morning that posed the question, “What does freedom mean to you?”.
The speaker shared that the day he and his wife brought their newborn daughter home from the hospital, he sat at the table and said he wanted to talk to her about freedom.
The couple was constantly asking themselves, “What should we upgrade next? The TV? The couch? Should we get a bigger apartment? Buy a house?”
How many of us are stuck in this cycle of constantly seeking the next bigger, better thing?
He wanted to backpack in Australia with their little one, but that would mean a drastic lifestyle change. They’d need to sell all of their crap (as he puts it) and pay off their debt.
One year later, they were boarding a plane to Australia and achieved the freedom they desired.
I, personally, want to spend time with people who understand my goals and dreams. I once had a friend shame me for following a grocery budget. She said that because it was a necessity, it doesn’t matter how much you spend.
I don’t want those kinds of friends, y’all. Choose friends who encourage you instead of mocking your goals and dreams.
5. I’m Intimidating
This one is hard to admit, but it’s just a fact. My personality is very straightforward. I’m a bit much to handle.
I love with all of my heart. I’m also super emotional, so when I am hurt, I let you know about it.
I hold people accountable, and I expect them to do the same to me. I refuse to be bullied, and God help you if you bully my child.
In the past, I’ve blocked people from my social media for attacking my values and beliefs. I am passionate about anything and everything I truly believe in, and for some people, that’s just too much to handle.
But those who are closest to me know that I would do anything for them in an instant. If that’s just one or two people, so be it.
[ss_click_to_tweet tweet=”I have very few friends, but even though we’ve become busy with life and families, I realize those are my people. ” content=”I have very few friends, but even though we’ve become busy with life and families, I realize those are my people. ” style=”5″]
Learning to Be Okay with Just a Few Friends
This week has been a tough one for me, and it was on my heart to write about the subject of loneliness.
It’s hard living in an area where you don’t feel accepted and loved. It’s tough not having an outlet or someone to talk to when you’re struggling.
If you’re feeling alone, reach out to someone. Whether it’s a family member or your high school best friend, it’s important to have someone to talk to.
Also, as hard as it is, try not to take it personally when you do reach out and your so-called-friends don’t respond. If they ignore your pleas for help, this might be the realization that they aren’t true friends.
I always respond to comments, so feel free to share thoughts below, and let me know if I can pray for you.
I’ve done all the things! Girl, I’ve washed my face. I’ve trashed everything that doesn’t spark joy. I’ve walked the baby steps. I’ve cried. I’ve prayed, but my perfectionism has really held me back.
Perfection Hangover can be crippling. Stop comparing yourself to others and start living your best life! That’s why PH exists! I want to encourage you to take control of your money, your blog, and your business.
3 thoughts on “I Have No Friends and I’m Learning to Be Okay With That”
Thank you for helping me feel like I’m not alone in these sentiments. Just the words I needed to read today! I moved from Indiana to Oregon with my husband and daughter almost a year ago and still struggling with friendships. Always been a challenge for me as a perfectionist and introvert. By the way we would also agree that Illinois is the worst state in the country…but that’s personal opinion. Ha! Thank you for sharing yourself!
Enjoyed this Melissa. Are you a Pisces by any chance? Only ask because all of this sounds exactly like me. Especially the bit about you being intimidating…
I currently have no friends. It wasn’t an issue until my sister, who was my best friend went down a different path in life and it doesn’t include me and my daughter. Very heartbreaking but I’m learning to deal. The women in my community (don’t want to judge them but hey 🤷🏾♀️) aren’t the kind of women I could see myself hang with. I have given some a try and only one worked out before she moved to Texas for work. Leaving me back to square one.
I’m a Libra actually! Sometimes it’s really hard being alone, but I’ve learned that I’d rather be lonely by myself than made to be lonely or left out by a bunch of people who AREN’t for me.