You’re Not “Too Much”—You’re Just Exhausted
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You remember the school emails, the appointments, and the thing your boss mentioned once in a meeting. When someone needs help, you’re usually already figuring it out. People tell you they don’t know what they’d do without you, but you’re exhausted—and stepping back feels harder than continuing to do everything.
In this episode of Perfection Hangover, I’m talking to the woman who’s been called “too much” while also being praised for how much she handles. That combination can leave you trying to need less from people while doing more for them.
We talk about how being useful can become tangled up with feeling valuable. You might want a slower life and still worry that saying no will make someone disappointed, leave something unfinished, or change how people see you.
I also explore how, for some women, this pattern started long before adulthood. Learning to notice tension, keep people happy, or handle problems early in life can make it difficult to recognize when you’re carrying more than your share now.
Doing less starts with noticing what you’ve automatically taken on and choosing one thing you can handle differently. In this episode, I walk through small boundaries, the discomfort that can come with them, and making room for something you actually want in your day.
In This Episode
- The confusing message of being called “too much” while being relied on for everything.
- How the Fixer pattern shows up at work, at home, and in friendships.
- Why praise can make it harder to stop taking on extra responsibilities.
- Recognizing the difference between something you must do and something you’ve always done.
- Starting with one small no instead of changing your whole life at once.
- Letting someone be disappointed without immediately taking the responsibility back.
One Thing to Try
Choose one small, optional responsibility you usually accept automatically. Maybe it’s coordinating another school event or volunteering to host again.
Before agreeing, decide whether you have room for it and whether you want to take it on. If your answer is no, try a simple response: “I’m not available to coordinate this one.”
Notice any urge to explain more or reverse your answer. Feeling uncomfortable doesn’t automatically mean your decision was wrong.
Explore Your Own Perfectionism Patterns
If your first thought is “If I don’t do it, who will?” the Fixer may sound familiar.
My free guide to the six perfectionism archetypes explores the beliefs behind these patterns and their hidden costs. Start with the Fixer if you’re trying to understand why being the dependable one has become so exhausting.
